Everyone is falling apart around me and i haven't cried in a week. My world got turned upside down and left me completely clueless what to do.I miss you everyday i think of you all day long. I can feel myself sinking, sinking so far down and i cant get back up. How am I supposed to handle this? Why did you have to go? Why!? For the longest time it was just you and me that's what we had we had each other. We had a bond like no other, I look in the mirror and see you. Your blue eyes that were just like mine. Your long dirty blond hair that you loved so much. You're no longer here and i cant breathe sometime I feel myself suffocating. I hold my little girl and it breaks my heart so bad knowing she will never get to know you. She would have loved you and had so much fun growing up with a crazy uncle like you! i used to get so mad when you would write shenanigans on everything, now i regret it because that one word brings me so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time. god damn it this isn't fair. Everyone misses yo. I pass your room and want to tell you I'm home but i know no one will tell me to come in. Everyone has went into your room to talk to you to get some kind of comfort, all i can do is walk past your room put my hand on your door and start to cry.
The night before I got the call we came over and i was going to wake you up to invite you over, now all i can do is wonder if i had would this would have happened? or would you still be here with us today? I just want you to come out and give me a hug and tell me you love me. I will never get that again but i am soooooooo thankful for the 21 years and i love yous and hugs I got. i know you didn't believe in heaven or god but i know your up there in heaven with the best of them. looking down on us.You told me you're sorry but i feel like I'm the one to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry your no longer here. I'm sorry i couldn't do anything. I'm sorry your no longer here Who is going to draw my first tattoo? Who is going to talk trash on Michael with me about how he was adopted and shit on a fence? There is a huge space in my heart that will never be filled. I didn't get enough time with you please come back.Wake me up from this nightmare and tell me it's okay. Be here with me right now and tell me I am going to be okay one day. Brudder I am so hurt I want to break things and hurt people. I saw this saying on a necklace, and i could only look at it and think of you it said " your wings were ready but my heart was not".Now you can do anything you want and do it with a smile on your face.
Fly high big brudder and don't worry I'll be okay one day.... I hope. I love you and hope you always knew that and hope you still do...
xoxoxo
Your liddo sidder
P.S. I'll take care of mom and dad don't worry
